What Should I Write Today?
I was pondering the delightful environmental catastrophes awaiting Iranians in 2025—you know, just your typical apocalyptic weather forecast—and I figured, hey, why not check if Persian-speaking mainstream media actually cares? So, I started jotting down some notes:
Drying rivers, wetlands, aquifers, and lakes… but who needs water when we have nostalgia for the good old days?
Persian Gulf salinity rising thanks to some genius-level “technical innovations.” Maybe by 2030, we’ll just rebrand it as the Dead Sea 2.0.
Land subsidence forcing millions out of their homes—who needs real estate when you can just move underground? Tehran’s about to get some real basements.
Desertification eating up farmland—but hey, dates and sand could be the new superfood trend, right?
Hydro-power shortages and blackouts—the government might finally make candles great again.
Flash floods so extreme they make Hollywood disaster movies look tame. Who needs CGI when you’ve got nature doing the special effects for free?
Toxic air pollution killing thousands—but no worries, I hear suffocating in your own city is a great way to build resilience.
And just when you think this environmental horror show might finally make the front page, our brilliant Persian media editors decide there’s something far more important to focus on—cue dramatic music—the 65-year-old toddler still demanding his royal pacifier. Priorities, right?
Now, I’m just a little concerned. If by some miracle he gets his throne and follows that mystical blueprint from some guy sipping espresso near Tel Aviv, there’s a tiny chance his brand-new, state-of-the-art desalination machine—lovingly assembled by the finest minds of his entourage—might, you know… not work.
And then what? His Majesty will have to trudge to a dry riverbed himself just to fetch some water? Oh, the horror!
But wait—it gets worse.
Because if they don’t fix the water crisis, Iran might have to start importing toilet paper on a massive scale. Charming diplomacy may soon give way to Charmin policy, the next big international trade deal!
Royal Necessities™—Soft on the Throne, Tough on the People!
